The Humpty Dance

the beautiful thing about tivo is that it records awesome shows no matter what time they are on, on any channel. when it captures the highly entertaining 'cheaters' on the wb (is it still the wb?), it also captures awesome ads for juicers, grills, and girls gone wild - which got me thinking... where are these girls now? presumably they are in college and most of them got degrees in something and presuming that some of them got jobs not at hooters - i ask the simple question:

i am trying something new here. i am reading merriam webster's vocabulary builder, and i am finding it difficult to remember some of the words that are being "built" into my vocabulary. so - on this blog - we will learn some words together. good idea? i think its brilliant. i shall define it, then put it in my own sentence. and that will be hilarious.

word #1
bellicose. warlike, aggressive, quarrelsome. as james stood over his vomit, he became a bit bellicose in his decision to punch judy in the face.

word #2
paramour. a lover, often secret, not allowed by law of custom. my first marriage ended when my wife found out i had been supporting a paramour and several children in hawaii.

word #3
gravid. pregnant or enlarged with something. after jill flung the poo nearly 50 meters, karen felt gravid with pride over her daughters accomplishment.

okay so that is how it works. as my vocabulary grows so will yours. have a nice weekend.

the mother of all mullets/disgusting dead animal hat.

there will be a lot of things i will miss at uw-bothell. the small classes, the great professors, the cozy campus nestled ever so pleasantly in the bothell forest. in just a year and change, i have become attached to the little extension campus that could. but there is one thing that i will miss more than anything, even though i have only recently discovered its presence. this quarter, i have two day classes followed by an evening one, and in between i have roughly two hours to fill. what to do? mainly, ive been blogging, reading and "studying" in the library. and in this library contains the jewel of the uwb campus. (wow such build up here).

the first time i walked into the main floor bathroom, i instantly noticed the heat. i am taken back to the baths in budapest and their insanely warm saunas. do they know they are blasting the heat like this? the campus is known for being one of the most eco-friendly campuses in the nation; are they not worried about their energy bill? anyway - its warm. but once you get used to it, its nice. the weather is chilly outside and the heat, although a bit uncomfortable at first, becomes tolerable.

now im not one to discuss what one does behind the closed doors of a bathroom stall, but the other day i had to go. i am not a fan of public restrooms simply for the fact that they are disgusting. urinals are cool though. anyone who knows me knows that ive never had a problem peeing anywhere (off a raft in front of 30 people anyone?). but taking care of other business is something i like to do at home. dropping a duece if you will. there is truely no place like home.

on this particular day, i could not wait. and low and behold, i entered the uwb library bathroom stall. clean. theres a magazine rack bolted to the wall that folds out so that you dont have to hold the disgusting newspapers someone elses feces ridden hands have touched. the toilet seat is the real treat though. its not one of those standard seats that makes you think as you lower your ass, "am i gonna cover this whole area?" the seat is the perfect distance apart, but not so close that youre making bank shots.

the seat itself is made of something softer than the normal toilet. like sitting on a couple buttermilk pancakes. the toilet paper dispenser also manages not to make you feel like you have to play tug of war in order to get a few squares. the tp slides out no problem. no tearing. most dispensers give you that feeling that you have to pull ever so gently, like you are pulling from the grasp of a sleeping grizzly bear.

there is also a bulletin on the door bragging about how much water the school is saving by making the "no touch flush" a "touch flush." but whats most hilarious about this is the fact that someone took the time to write a paragraph on that sheet of paper explaining how the touch-no touch flush makes no sense. literally a paragraph. and its not like you can write this from the comforts of the toilet seat. you have to stand in order to reach it. i barely want to be in the bathroom long enough to go to the bathroom. but to stand in a stall before or after taking care of business and writing a paragraph about this is sad. actually gross. but it made me chuckle.

the uw-bothell library bathroom is what i will miss the most about uwb even though i have only been in the presence of this crown jewel once. but i am eagerly anticipating my return. i have a whole quarter to make up for lost time.

i just had to post this. this is the best deal kfc has had in quite a while. and with this particular "restaurant" right across the street from home, i have the privilege of seeing what the latest deals are pretty much daily. this one, i could not pass up. i wonder where this cake is coming from and who is ordering this. how fresh can this cake be? i kind of doubt that kfc does much baking, much less having the oven capabilities. who is getting this? wait - lets back up - who is getting the "feast" meal? who is getting the feast meal then thinking: "you know what this feast is missing? cake!!" who actually finishes this feast of chicken (and god knows what else), then wants cake. i hardly want cake even when everyone else is eating it and its free. i cant imagine wanting to eat cake after fried chicken. is this just me?

life is almost returning to normal. this writers strike is killing late night tv. conan is just plain unfunny and its killing me. the greed in this country is taking away an american pastime. i miss wasting hours of my life staying up watching late night tv. the daily show was back tonight, and i gotta admit it was pretty damn funny. i think there is a little more room to speak your mind in cable (heard conan comments in support of the writers got edited out the first night back). letterman has never been funnier (dressed up as the gortons fisherman tonight - fish sticks are delicious). lets end this strike. i need to be lazy again.

today marks the beginning of the end of an era. for as long as ive been an adult, i have been in college. i began this journey at 18, and now i stand at 27 years old on the verge of my final college quarter before real life begins. i have been exposed to a world that i never knew existed, one that i am hesitant in joining. its hard to think of a life without the constant of homework, reading assignments, and weekly use of microsoft word. can i hire a professor hang out with me for 2-4 hours, twice a week and give me grades?

anyway - today was the first day of school. quite possibly my last one. i will miss it terribly, i think. i just hope i dont switch off my brain too early.

okay, so its 2008. it seems that i switch back every other year from a good new years to a bad one, and this one was by far one of the best. i was surrounded by my closest friends and more intoxicated than id been in months. the resolutions havent begun, but the are in the works for the coming weeks. i hope everyone had as good a new years eve as i did. im expecting big things in 2008.